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Alcoholic Heart

by Zebrana Bastard

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1.
Love The Way I See It 01:51
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i’m fire THAT’S RIGHT, I’M FIRE! i’m fire red coals glowing hot to the touch burning THAT’S RIGHT, I’M BURNING! give me some water my throat is drying I am parched drowning FEELS LIKE I’M DROWNING there’s too much water you give too much and i need air breathing I think I’m breathing…
2.
Pretty When You Die 04:43
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I see through smeared mascara cheeks Oh how I love it when you weep Oh yes, I love to see you cry Because you’re pretty when you die Mother says I’m free But father, who am I to be? A little girl out in the cold Oh so young, and yet so old Well time is money, time is spent And the clock it never quits Think of all the time you loan Admit, your life is not your own I see Jesus, I see Christ And I see bloody sacrifice And I see pointless waste of time And you’ll never change my mind If I gave my love to you Tell me boy, what would you do? Would you let it slip away, As you watch my soul decay? There’s this box I have inside And the key is hard to find But, if to open it, you could Then all would well be understood There’s so many thought that fill my head Some are hidden, some are said And one day it will come to be That this little girl is free I see through smeared mascara cheeks Oh how I love it when you weep Oh yes, I love to see you cry Because you’re pretty when you die I’ll bet you’re pretty when you die Oh yes, I love to see you cry Because you’re pretty when you die I’ll bet you’re pretty when you die You’ll be so pretty when you die
3.
Wanderlust 02:25
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Well I was runnin’ Before I could walk And I was angry Before I could talk Born broken, long before I could see The embers of my family tree With skellies layin’ down in the roots And the worms all diggin’ for food I find beauty In broken glass And when I’m bad I’m a good piece of ass I first left home at fifteen Made friends with poverty Been so wrecked, I got holes in my brain And paper work that says I’m insane I am skulls And butterflies And what you see Ain’t some clever disguise I’ve fallen in some pretty big holes Guilty from a lack of control Try to run my truck off the road Every time I lose sight of goal Well I’m driven By the noise in my head Inspired By the life that I’ve led Music’s all that keeps me sane Some times it’s so hard to maintain Gonna pour my heart out on some strings And live in my own reality As I keep movin’ On down the line And I’m leavin’ All my friends behind But I’ll stop in for the next show When it’s done, it’s time to go Goin’ crazy if I stay too long So I go, go, go ’till I’m gone Go, go, go ’till I’m gone Go, go, go ’till I’m gone Go, go, go ’till I’m gone Go, go, go ’till I’m gone
4.
Let's Play 01:46
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There’s some fishhooks in the cabinet Where there used to be teeth A piece of chain, a rusty needle And faux silver beads You know I really miss those three dog teeth Where did they go? Where did they go? I don’t know Tag you’re it You can’t catch me Tag you’re it You can’t catch me There’s a doll on the t.v. with two broken legs She spins in a circle while the orchestra plays Now I’m at a point where I can relate Where will she go? Where will she go? Only I know Tag you’re it You can’t catch me Tag you’re it You can’t catch me I know a little child likes to play with knives She jumps in the fire and rolls with the tide Smiles, says “it’s simple, just flow with the wind.” Where will you go? Where will you go? I don’t know
5.
Donna 03:42
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Your guilt’s embraced by a slow decay That’s just fine, go look the other way I can walk proud, and I’ll stand so tall Though I’m crushed inside, here behind this wall It’s hard to breathe with the air so thick Most thoughts of you just fuckin’ make me sick Don’t have room in my heart to hold such hate So I pour it our here to help alleviate And I don’t wanna care about it anymore I don’t wanna care about it anymore I don’t wanna care about it anymore I don’t wanna care about it anymore I needed you to stand along my side Your precaution forced me down to further hide What scratched the surface, now a gaping wound And it bleeds me out when ever I think of you You can’t even give me an apology That’s not clouded by your desperate apathy You beg me, plead me, forgive and let live But when I do, it’s the same bullshit And I don’t wanna care about it anymore I don’t wanna care about it anymore I don’t wanna care about it anymore I don’t wanna care about it anymore How many times can you avert your face? Now all I want is my goddamn space Got your wish, and have to have your way Never once, thought about the price I pay Don’t want excuses, don’t want your lies I won’t live your life of compromise If all this is, is water under the bridge Then how come I’m still drowning in it? And I don’t wanna care about it anymore I don’t wanna care about it anymore I don’t wanna care about it anymore I don’t wanna care about it anymore I don’t wanna care about it anymore I don’t wanna care about it anymore
6.
Beautiful Days 03:32
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Woke up this mornin’ And I started to shake Something inside Is beginning to break The sun warmed my head As I opened my eyes Today’s a good day I can feel it inside I drove to work Goin’ North on I-5 Feelin’ the changes And a pain in my side Cars cut me off But I just couldn’t shake That this was the start Of a beautiful day Got off work early Had a drink from the bar Then I came home To be right where you are Thoughts warmed my heart As I headed your way Sharing your soul Made for a perfect day It’s hard to believe That your heart finds me here Day after day And each year after year Baby, I love you And I just had to say The way that you love me Leads to beautiful days And when I’m grey and old It’s you I’m goin’ to hold And when I’m grey and old I know it’s you I’m goin’ To hold
7.
Not That Desperate 02:08
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What is the price of your soul? Is there a cost for your dreams? They say I can’t keep running around To follow my bliss on a whim When they speak, I look in their eyes And I see lonely, desperate, and pain Well, I prefer to stand my own ground Than to live numb, jaded, and shamed No matter how low No matter the cost No matter what I give up I can’t pretend To lie to myself Is a way to reach the top Well you can’t find peace in a bottle All you’re doin’ is biding your time And you’ll pay for all that you trample Somewhere, down along the line I know now, I’ll never fit in Embarrassed to say that I tried No matter how low No matter the cost No matter what I give up I can’t pretend To lie to myself Is a way to reach the top No matter how low No matter the cost No matter who I give up Never again Will I believe That I’m not strong enough What is the price of your soul? There’s always a cost for your dreams.
8.
Salem 01:41
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There’s a patch of land in Oregon That ain’t got much to look at But every block and every bridge Tells a story of it’s own There’s a sense of pride A sense of shame And nothing seems to ever change And I guess that’s just the way it goes In the life I’ve left behind There’s a buried boy in Oregon He’s not the only one Tat went down the waterfall My uncle’s* in a jar There’s suicides* And overdose And the numb still feels the same And I guess that’s just the way it goes In the life I’ve left behind Them boys Are still my family ‘Cause my bloodline Fuckin’ blows And no matter where I lay my head at night Salem Is still my home There’s a shit-hole town in Oregon Where the liquors never dry I can raise my fist Get real pissed And contemplate my life I miss my friends, but I can’t stay Because the void still sucks my soul And I guess that’s just the way it goes In the life I’ve left behind It’s the life I left behind
9.
Caged Bird 02:00
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Sometime I hate myself But more I hate your eyes The way you look at me I can’t sympathize Over years I gave my all Unaware just wasted time Completely almost lost myself Completely almost lost my mind I traded all my dreams For shallow smiles and a hole You hated everything Your desire was control A caged bird Can’t fly A caged bird Can’t fly Sometime I feel at loss But then I look at you I know I’m better off Than in the days I lived for you In breaking up the memories Finally found some self esteem Found my heart and now I see That there was nothing wrong with me My brain may be deranged But I’ll embrace all that I am There are so many things That you will never understand A caged bird Can’t fly Un-caged I fly
10.
Breaking The Child 04:05
lyrics
When you touch My skin You also tear My soul But let’s play Pretend Follow down the Rabbit hole I feel my youth slipping amidst the decay Locked in the closet far away I’m trapped in the trunk in the room Shhhhhhhhh When you touch My skin You also tear My soul But let’s play Pretend Follow down the Rabbit hole Fetal positions, they possess A lack of love, care, and safety Looking for someplace small inside Hiding When you touch My skin You also tear My soul But let’s play Pretend Follow down the Rabbit hole Follow me down, don’t make a… Follow me down, just feel the… Follow me down, I’ll make you… Follow me down… When you touch My skin You also tear My soul But let’s play Pretend Follow down the Rabbit hole Don’t touch me Don’t see me Don’t tell me Don’t make me Don’t touch me Don’t see me You are not me Only I, I own, I own me.
11.
Aftermath 05:25
lyrics
Pt. 1 – Mike’s Words* (Edit, I later learned that "Mike's Words" is actually from a Papa Roach song. I never listened to the band so I had no idea. I found them scrawled in his handwriting when we cleaned out his house after his death. Still, these lyrics meant something to him and the emotion feels the same. I miss my uncle and suicide sucks.) You’re drownin’ in the water And I Offered you my hand Compassion in your nature But you Didn’t understand No you didn’t understand Well I’m sorry But at least I can say I tried I’m sorry But I’ve gotta move on With my own life Go flunk yourself I tear my heart open And I Sew myself shut My weakness is that I care too much My scars remind us That the Past is real I tear my heart open just to fail Pt. 2 – Fuck You (My own words) I don’t wanna go walkin’ in that room And I don’t wanna see you lyin’ in that bed No, I don’t wanna go walkin’ in that room And I don’t wanna see you lyin’ in that bed But I know it’s something I just gotta do I’m gonna walk right up Stand next to you If my knees go weak If they just give out I know I’ve gotta see it all for myself But I don’t wanna go walkin’ in that room And I don’t wanna see you lyin’ in that bed In tears I collapsed To the floor The moment I entered The door Your face It feels So cold We all die alone Shaking I crawled To the bed Remembering The things You said I managed The strength To stand Kissed your face And touched Your hand We all die alone We all die alone Well go fuck yourself

about

My first album with acoustic bass, acoustic guitar, and vocals.

credits

released December 17, 2011

Acoustic Bass & Vocals - Zebrana Bastard
Acoustic Guitar - Leezus
Recorded by Lazer Lav @ Cresswellian Studios

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Zebrana Bastard Jefferson, Oregon

Skulls & Butterflies

It is the breaking of my heart and the triumphs you obtain when you smash through walls. Life is pain, it's suffering, but it's also beautiful because of it. Lyrics just as raw and honest as I am, maybe even more so. An intense, emotional ride. My heart on my sleeve, the baring of my soul. ... more

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