Alcoholic Heart

by Zebrana Bastard

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about

My first album with acoustic bass, acoustic guitar, and vocals.

credits

released December 17, 2011

Acoustic Bass & Vocals - Zebrana Bastard
Acoustic Guitar - Leezus
Recorded by Lazer Lav @ Cresswellian Studios

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all rights reserved

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Zebrana Bastard Maple Valley, Washington

Skulls & Butterflies

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Track Name: Love The Way I See It
i’m fire
THAT’S RIGHT, I’M FIRE!
i’m fire
red coals glowing
hot to the touch

burning
THAT’S RIGHT, I’M BURNING!
give me some water
my throat is drying
I am parched

drowning
FEELS LIKE I’M DROWNING
there’s too much water
you give too much
and i need air

breathing
I think I’m breathing…
Track Name: Pretty When You Die
I see through smeared mascara cheeks
Oh how I love it when you weep
Oh yes, I love to see you cry
Because you’re pretty when you die

Mother says I’m free
But father, who am I to be?
A little girl out in the cold
Oh so young, and yet so old

Well time is money, time is spent
And the clock it never quits
Think of all the time you loan
Admit, your life is not your own

I see Jesus, I see Christ
And I see bloody sacrifice
And I see pointless waste of time
And you’ll never change my mind

If I gave my love to you
Tell me boy, what would you do?
Would you let it slip away,
As you watch my soul decay?

There’s this box I have inside
And the key is hard to find
But, if to open it, you could
Then all would well be understood

There’s so many thought that fill my head
Some are hidden, some are said
And one day it will come to be
That this little girl is free

I see through smeared mascara cheeks
Oh how I love it when you weep
Oh yes, I love to see you cry
Because you’re pretty when you die
I’ll bet you’re pretty when you die
Oh yes, I love to see you cry
Because you’re pretty when you die
I’ll bet you’re pretty when you die
You’ll be so pretty when you die
Track Name: Wanderlust
Well I was runnin’
Before I could walk
And I was angry
Before I could talk
Born broken, long before I could see
The embers of my family tree
With skellies layin’ down in the roots
And the worms all diggin’ for food

I find beauty
In broken glass
And when I’m bad
I’m a good piece of ass
I first left home at fifteen
Made friends with poverty
Been so wrecked, I got holes in my brain
And paper work that says I’m insane

I am skulls
And butterflies
And what you see
Ain’t some clever disguise
I’ve fallen in some pretty big holes
Guilty from a lack of control
Try to run my truck off the road
Every time I lose sight of goal

Well I’m driven
By the noise in my head
Inspired
By the life that I’ve led
Music’s all that keeps me sane
Some times it’s so hard to maintain
Gonna pour my heart out on some strings
And live in my own reality

As I keep movin’
On down the line
And I’m leavin’
All my friends behind
But I’ll stop in for the next show
When it’s done, it’s time to go
Goin’ crazy if I stay too long
So I go, go, go ’till I’m gone
Go, go, go ’till I’m gone
Go, go, go ’till I’m gone
Go, go, go ’till I’m gone
Go, go, go ’till I’m gone
Track Name: Let's Play
There’s some fishhooks in the cabinet
Where there used to be teeth
A piece of chain, a rusty needle
And faux silver beads
You know I really miss those three dog teeth

Where did they go?
Where did they go?
I don’t know

Tag you’re it
You can’t catch me
Tag you’re it
You can’t catch me

There’s a doll on the t.v. with two broken legs
She spins in a circle while the orchestra plays
Now I’m at a point where I can relate

Where will she go?
Where will she go?
Only I know

Tag you’re it
You can’t catch me
Tag you’re it
You can’t catch me

I know a little child likes to play with knives
She jumps in the fire and rolls with the tide
Smiles, says “it’s simple, just flow with the wind.”

Where will you go?
Where will you go?
I don’t know
Track Name: Donna
Your guilt’s embraced by a slow decay
That’s just fine, go look the other way
I can walk proud, and I’ll stand so tall
Though I’m crushed inside, here behind this wall
It’s hard to breathe with the air so thick
Most thoughts of you just fuckin’ make me sick
Don’t have room in my heart to hold such hate
So I pour it our here to help alleviate

And I don’t wanna care about it anymore
I don’t wanna care about it anymore
I don’t wanna care about it anymore
I don’t wanna care about it anymore

I needed you to stand along my side
Your precaution forced me down to further hide
What scratched the surface, now a gaping wound
And it bleeds me out when ever I think of you
You can’t even give me an apology
That’s not clouded by your desperate apathy
You beg me, plead me, forgive and let live
But when I do, it’s the same bullshit

And I don’t wanna care about it anymore
I don’t wanna care about it anymore
I don’t wanna care about it anymore
I don’t wanna care about it anymore

How many times can you avert your face?
Now all I want is my goddamn space
Got your wish, and have to have your way
Never once, thought about the price I pay
Don’t want excuses, don’t want your lies
I won’t live your life of compromise
If all this is, is water under the bridge
Then how come I’m still drowning in it?

And I don’t wanna care about it anymore
I don’t wanna care about it anymore
I don’t wanna care about it anymore
I don’t wanna care about it anymore
I don’t wanna care about it anymore
I don’t wanna care about it anymore
Track Name: Beautiful Days
Woke up this mornin’
And I started to shake
Something inside
Is beginning to break
The sun warmed my head
As I opened my eyes
Today’s a good day
I can feel it inside

I drove to work
Goin’ North on I-5
Feelin’ the changes
And a pain in my side
Cars cut me off
But I just couldn’t shake
That this was the start
Of a beautiful day

Got off work early
Had a drink from the bar
Then I came home
To be right where you are
Thoughts warmed my heart
As I headed your way
Sharing your soul
Made for a perfect day

It’s hard to believe
That your heart finds me here
Day after day
And each year after year
Baby, I love you
And I just had to say
The way that you love me
Leads to beautiful days

And when I’m grey and old
It’s you I’m goin’ to hold
And when I’m grey and old
I know it’s you
I’m goin’
To hold
Track Name: Not That Desperate
What is the price of your soul?
Is there a cost for your dreams?
They say I can’t keep running around
To follow my bliss on a whim
When they speak, I look in their eyes
And I see lonely, desperate, and pain
Well, I prefer to stand my own ground
Than to live numb, jaded, and shamed

No matter how low
No matter the cost
No matter what I give up
I can’t pretend
To lie to myself
Is a way to reach the top

Well you can’t find peace in a bottle
All you’re doin’ is biding your time
And you’ll pay for all that you trample
Somewhere, down along the line
I know now, I’ll never fit in
Embarrassed to say that I tried

No matter how low
No matter the cost
No matter what I give up
I can’t pretend
To lie to myself
Is a way to reach the top

No matter how low
No matter the cost
No matter who I give up
Never again
Will I believe
That I’m not strong enough

What is the price of your soul?
There’s always a cost for your dreams.
Track Name: Salem
There’s a patch of land in Oregon
That ain’t got much to look at
But every block and every bridge
Tells a story of it’s own
There’s a sense of pride
A sense of shame
And nothing seems to ever change
And I guess that’s just the way it goes
In the life I’ve left behind

There’s a buried boy in Oregon
He’s not the only one
Tat went down the waterfall
My uncle’s* in a jar
There’s suicides*
And overdose
And the numb still feels the same
And I guess that’s just the way it goes
In the life I’ve left behind

Them boys
Are still my family
‘Cause my bloodline
Fuckin’ blows
And no matter where I lay my head at night
Salem
Is still my home

There’s a shit-hole town in Oregon
Where the liquors never dry
I can raise my fist
Get real pissed
And contemplate my life
I miss my friends, but I can’t stay
Because the void still sucks my soul
And I guess that’s just the way it goes
In the life I’ve left behind
It’s the life I left behind
Track Name: Caged Bird
Sometime I hate myself
But more I hate your eyes
The way you look at me
I can’t sympathize
Over years I gave my all
Unaware just wasted time
Completely almost lost myself
Completely almost lost my mind
I traded all my dreams
For shallow smiles and a hole
You hated everything
Your desire was control

A caged bird
Can’t fly
A caged bird
Can’t fly

Sometime I feel at loss
But then I look at you
I know I’m better off
Than in the days I lived for you
In breaking up the memories
Finally found some self esteem
Found my heart and now I see
That there was nothing wrong with me
My brain may be deranged
But I’ll embrace all that I am
There are so many things
That you will never understand

A caged bird
Can’t fly
Un-caged
I fly
Track Name: Breaking The Child
When you touch
My skin
You also tear
My soul
But let’s play
Pretend
Follow down the
Rabbit hole

I feel my youth slipping amidst the decay
Locked in the closet far away
I’m trapped in the trunk in the room
Shhhhhhhhh

When you touch
My skin
You also tear
My soul
But let’s play
Pretend
Follow down the
Rabbit hole

Fetal positions, they possess
A lack of love, care, and safety
Looking for someplace small inside
Hiding

When you touch
My skin
You also tear
My soul
But let’s play
Pretend
Follow down the
Rabbit hole

Follow me down, don’t make a…
Follow me down, just feel the…
Follow me down, I’ll make you…
Follow me down…

When you touch
My skin
You also tear
My soul
But let’s play
Pretend
Follow down the
Rabbit hole

Don’t touch me
Don’t see me
Don’t tell me
Don’t make me

Don’t touch me
Don’t see me
You are not me
Only I, I own, I own me.
Track Name: Aftermath
Pt. 1 – Mike’s Words*

You’re drownin’ in the water
And I
Offered you my hand
Compassion in your nature
But you
Didn’t understand
No you didn’t understand
Well I’m sorry
But at least I can say I tried
I’m sorry
But I’ve gotta move on
With my own life
Go flunk yourself

I tear my heart open
And I
Sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind us
That the
Past is real
I tear my heart open just to fail

Pt. 2 – Fuck You (My own words)

I don’t wanna go walkin’ in that room
And I don’t wanna see you lyin’ in that bed
No, I don’t wanna go walkin’ in that room
And I don’t wanna see you lyin’ in that bed

But I know it’s something I just gotta do
I’m gonna walk right up
Stand next to you
If my knees go weak
If they just give out
I know I’ve gotta see it all for myself

But I don’t wanna go walkin’ in that room
And I don’t wanna see you lyin’ in that bed

In tears
I collapsed
To the floor
The moment
I entered
The door
Your face
It feels
So cold
We all die alone

Shaking
I crawled
To the bed
Remembering
The things
You said
I managed
The strength
To stand
Kissed your face
And touched
Your hand
We all die alone
We all die alone
Well go fuck yourself