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about

This was the first song I wrote while living alone for the first time ever in a studio apartment in my early 30's. I was embracing a broken heart, my sobriety, and the everything that my life had culminated to. Over the years, the song has grown. I feel like Butterfly and Mark captured the feel of this track perfectly and this is the very best recording of it that exists. I am so incredibly grateful for the friendships I have made over the years. I can be a difficult woman, I lose focus, I get distracted, but I love to the fullest capacity I can muster. I love myself, I love my friends, I love people I have yet to meet, and I accept me in the all the glorious mess that I was and in all the incredible things I have yet to be. I feel like it was the best way to close this EP and I'm really proud of the magic that was created with my friends.

lyrics

Well this is me now
And finally I can see how
The way I blinded myself
The way I lied to myself
Said it's okay
Okay
Okay
To just drink it away

It was a big ol' well
My head it used to flex and swell
And the mirror it gave me hell
Truth be told, I used to hate myself
But now it's okay
Okay
Okay
'Cause that was yesterday

I said this is me now
Embrace my complex machina
Learn to be good to myself
Now I'm sticking true to myself
Learn to leave each day
For the day
Just today
Without focus on the pain

This is me now
And finally I can see how
The way I blinded myself
The way I lied to myself
Said it's okay
Okay
Okay
To fuck my life away

I know I did some things
And I still got some memories
I gave my everything
'Till I had none left for me
I gave my all
My all
My all
And then I watched it fall

I said this is me now
Embrace my complex machina
Learnin to be good to myself
Yeah I'm sticking true to myself
And I live each day
For the day
Just today
'Cause that's the only way

credits

from what was & what is (in stereo with violin & drums), released September 30, 2021
Bass & Vox: Zebrana Bastard
Violin: A. Fiddle-Hooper www.fiddlehooper.com
Drums: Mark Kough hwww.markkough.com

Bass, Vox, & Violin Recorded at Bridge City Sessions in Portland, OR on 01.30.2021
Drums Recorded in Mark Kough's private studio in China Spring/Summer 2021
Mixed & Mastered by Jon Sosa - Summation Mix

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Zebrana Bastard Jefferson, Oregon

Skulls & Butterflies

It is the breaking of my heart and the triumphs you obtain when you smash through walls. Life is pain, it's suffering, but it's also beautiful because of it. Lyrics just as raw and honest as I am, maybe even more so. An intense, emotional ride. My heart on my sleeve, the baring of my soul. ... more

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